Lion: You don’t have to hit people. Not if you can make ’em laugh.
Max Millan: Bullshit.
Lion: Hey Max, you heard the story of the scarecrow?
Max Millan: No.
Lion: You think crows are scared of a scarecrow?
Max Millan: Yeah, I think they’re scared.
Lion: Yeah why? No, crows are not scared, believe me.
Max Millan: The goddamn crows are scared.
Lion: No, crows are laughin’.
Max Millan: Nah, that’s bullshit. . .
Lion: That’s right, the crows are laughin’. Look, the farmer puts out a scarecrow, right, with a funny hat on it, got a funny face. The crows fly by, they see that, it strikes ’em funny, makes ’em laugh.
Max Millan: The goddamn crows are laughin’?
Lion: That’s right, they’re laughin’ their asses off. And then they say, “Well, that ol’ farmer Joe down there, he’s a pretty good guy. He made us laugh, so he won’t bother him any more.”
Max Millan: The goddamn crows are laughin’. . .
Lion: Ohh, they laughin’, woooo!
Max Millan: I gotta tell ya somethin’, that’s the most hare-brained idea I’ve ever heard.
Lion: Well, it’s true, they’re laughin’ their asses off.
Max Millan: The crows are laughin’. . .yeah. . .oh, man. . .I guess the fish are reciting poetry. . .
Lion: I guess so.
Max Millan: Uh huh. . .and the uh, pigs are playin’ banjo? And the dogs would be, let’s see, uh. . .would be playin’ hockey. And the uh. . .the uh. . .
Lion: Crows are laughin’.
Max Millan: Crows are laughin’, right. Ya know, in the joint I’ve heard some tales, oh boy, golly I’ve heard some tall tales. But at least those guys had the decency to admit that it was bullshit, you know what I mean? They actually uh, they took pride, pride in that it was bullshit. But the crows are laughin’ huh? Oh, brother, heee. . .I mean you’re not playin’ with a full deck man, you got one foot in the great beyond.