Barry: Hi Lena. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I left you at the hospital. I called a phone sex line. . .I called a phone sex line before I met you. And four blond brothers came after me. And they hurt you and I’m sorry. And then I had to leave again because I wanted to make sure you never got hurt again. And. . .and I have a lot of pudding. . .and 6 to 8 weeks it can be redeemed. So, if you could just give me that much time, I think I can get enough mileage to go with you wherever you have to go, if you have to travel for your work because I don’t ever want to be anywhere without you. So. . .could you just let me redeem the mileage?
Potter: Happy, the ball has its own energy or life force, if you will. Its natural environment is in the hole. Why don’t you send him home? His bags are packed. He has his plane ticket. Bring him to the airport. Send him home. [beat] Send him home.
Happy Gilmore: I’ll send him home. It’s time to go home, ball. [putts; ball doesn’t go in hole] Son of a bitch ball! Why didn’t you go home?! That’s your home! Are you too good for your home?! Answer me!
Principal: Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: Okay, a simple “wrong” would’ve done just fine, but thanks.