Somehow I didn’t see this movie when it was first in theaters. I have no idea why not, since I was a senior in high school when it came out and went to the movie theater in my hometown practically every weekend. I do, however, remember when I first saw it. It was about a year after it originally came out, when I came home to visit during winter break after my first semester at UC Berkeley. It was exactly the kind of escapist rom-com that I loved when I was a kid and it was exactly what I needed after a tough first semester. NB: writer-director-producer Audrey Wells is also a Cal alum. Go Bears! I subsequently bought the DVD about a year later from the Walgreens on Shattuck on a rainy day and proceeded to watch it once every few weeks for the rest of college and then some. I’m really not sure how many times I’ve seen it (including the few times I watched it on TV!) I love it so much. This is a Best Friend kind of movie. Comforting and warm and dependable, but every time I watch it I notice something new to love.
Stoney: Kashmir? Raji, is it. . .? How many minutes for the burrito again?
Kashmir: two minutes.
Raji: One minute.
Kashmir: Two minutes!
Stoney: Ah, make up your melons ! Is it one or two ?
Raji: One and a half minutes.
Stoney: Okay, my friend. Try and experience what I’m about to chirp in your lobes, cool ?
Stoney: Okay buddy, we’re going to discuss grindage. How to fill the furnace, pack the cheeks and stuff the gills. okay ? You’re probably used to eating twigs, right ? But here in the U.S. Of a-age we got something called the four basic food groups, and, Link, this is not one of ’em.
Stoney: Look at what we have here. Dairy group.
Link: Dairy group.
Stoney: Milk duds. hide these under your pillow so your mom doesn’t find them. If she does, you’re tweaked, buddy.
Stoney: Keep on cruisin’. Fruit group. Sweet tarts. These are killer. So citrusy, dude, you’ll freak. Keep on cruisin’. Uh-huh. Right, this is the vegetable group. Corn nuts! Put ’em on a pedestal, bro. Look at that! Those are kill, huh ? [microwave rings] Meat group! Come on, Link, the meat group. These are my favorite ! Hey, you gotta be equal, equal, fifty/fifty. Here. Mmm. Mmm. Ewww! figures. Hot on the outside, icicle in the middle.
Kashmir: Two minutes.
Stoney: You like that, right, ’cause you’re a caveman. Cool, buddy. The beverage ! Icee, bro. This is what put this place on the map.
Raji: What are you doing, Mr. Stoney ? No, no ! You can’t do this here.
Kashmir: You must leave now, please.
Stoney: Look, Kashmir, Rajneesh, chill.
Kashmir: No buds chill!
Stoney: Link and I are cruisin’ the mountain, bro, and we figured we’d weeze the ju-uice.
Raji: No weezen’ the ju-uice.
Link: Weeze the juice!
Raji: No! No weezin’ the juice.
Kashmir: No weezin’ the juice.
Stoney: Hey, just chill, buds. It’s okay. Just chill.
Link: I’ll be back.
Kashmir: No buds chill !
James Whale: You might not think it to look at me now, but there was a time when I was at the very pinnacle of my profession. The horror movies were behind me. I’d made Showboat. Major success. Big box office. So now I was to do something important. The picture was called The Road Back. It was an indictment of the Great War and what it did to Germany. It was going to be my masterpiece.
Clayton Boone: What happened?
James Whale: The fucking studio butchered it. They took the guts out of my picture. They brought in another director to add some slapstick and the movie laid an egg. A great, expensive bomb for which I was blamed. And after that I was out of fashion. I could no longer command the best projects, so I walked away. Why should I spend my time working in this dreadful business?
Clayton Boone: Do you miss it?
James Whale: Mmm. Oh, it was all so long ago. Fifteen years. Making movies is the most wonderful thing in the world. Working with friends, entertaining people. Yes, I suppose I miss it.