Detective Lee Butters: [Phone rings] Hello? Hello? [No one’s there] Shit! Fucking phones, man! You get a call, they cut you off. You make a call, they cut you off! What’s the point?
Leo Getz: Don’t you know what they’re doing, kid? They fuck you with cell phones. That’s what it is. They love when you get cut off. You know why? Huh? You know why? Because when you call back – which they know you’re gonna do – they charge you for that fucking first minute again at that high rate.
Detective Lee Butters: If you’re lucky enough to be able to call back because the 3-hour battery you got only lasts 20 fucking minutes.
Leo Getz: Or what if you’re behind a fucking hill and it’s going [makes crackle sounds].
Detective Lee Butters: Or you’re going through a damn tunnel or some shit, man. And they keep making it smaller! You know why they make them this small? So you can lose it. Why? So you buy more phones. I never lost my mother’s phone! Take you two hours to make a long-distance call. Duh-duh-duh four, duh-duh-duh five. Duh-duh-duh-oh! I messed up! Hang up. Gotta do it again! Duh-duh-duh four, duh-duh-duh five. I never lost my Sports Illustrated swimsuit phone.
Leo Getz: And scanners! These idiots, they get your number and call all over the world!
Detective Lee Butters: Somebody took my number and called Afghanistan! Afghanistan! I’ve never been to Afghanistan! I don’t know nobody in Afghanistan! I don’t know what fucking Afghanistan look like. And even if I did, I would not talk to their Afghan ass for 3 hours! I won’t talk to my daddy for 3 hours!
Leo Getz: They fuck you, they fuck you, they fuck you with the cell phones! Hey, you know when you go to a drive-through? [phone rings] Hold on.
Detective Lee Butters: Why am I talking. . .?