Spalding Gray: I got in the car for the final ride to the airport. And as I was leaving I felt like I was going to the gallows. I couldn’t believe it. Why was I doing this? Why did I feel so inflated? I’d been there eight weeks and I’d worked eight days. Was waiting that difficult? I felt all puffed up, but on the way I thought, “My God, I will never see a little piece of Heaven like this again. This is the end.” And as I was riding, I said a silent benediction. A silent farewell to all that I had and would miss. Farewell, to the fantastic breakfasts, free every morning – you walk down and there they are waiting on you with the papaya, mango, and pineapple like I’d never tasted before. Farewell, to the Thai maids with the king-sized cotton sheets and the big king-sized beds. Farewell, to lunches, fresh meat flown in from America, daily. Roast potatoes, green beans and roast lamb, at 110 degrees under a circus tent, according to British Equity. Farewell to the drivers with the tinted glasses and the Mercedes with the tinted windows. Farewell to the cakes, teas and ices every day exactly at four o’clock. Farewell to those beautiful smiling people. Farewell to that single, fresh rose in a vase on my bureau in the hotel every day. And just as I was climbing into that first-class seat, and wrapping myself in a blanket, just as I was adjusting the pillow behind my head, and having a sip of that champagne, and just as I was adjusting and bringing down my Thai purple sleep mask. . .I had an inkling, I had a flash. . .I suddenly thought I knew what it was that had killed Marilyn Monroe.
Andrew Beckett: Congratulations, Counselor.
Joe Miller: Congratulations?
Andrew Beckett: You’ve survived what I assume to be your first gay party intact.
Joe Miller: Let me tell you something, Andrew, when you’re brought up the way I am, the way most people are in this country, there’s not a whole lot of discussion about homosexuality or what do you call it, alternate lifestyles. As a kid you’re taught that queers are funny, queers are weird, queers dress up like their mother. That they’re afraid to fight, that they’re a danger to little kids and that all they want to do is get into your pants. [beat] That pretty much sums up the general thinking out there if you want to know the truth about it.
Andrew Beckett: Thank you for sharing that with me.
Joe Miller: You’re very welcome.
Audrey ‘Lulu’ Hankel: Charlie, what do you do for fun besides steal candy bars?
Charlie Driggs: You were right.
Audrey ‘Lulu’ Hankel: I was?
Charlie Driggs: Yeah. I’m a rebel. I am! I just channelled my rebellion into the mainstream. That’s all. [beat] I’ll give you an example. In ’81, I went long-term munis. Everybody said “Driggs, you’re crazy, don’t do it.”
Audrey ‘Lulu’ Hankel: Munis?
Charlie Driggs: Municipal bonds. Tax-free. Hell, I was locking in close to 15%. I may look straight, but deep down, I got what it takes.