Terry Doolittle: Drag the river! There are killers running around the fucking city!
Detective: How would you like me to wash your mouth out with a wire brush?
Terry Doolittle: How would you like if I kicked you in the nuts so hard they get lodged in your fucking nostrils?
Marty Phillips: My, that’s a vivid image, isn’t it?
State Judge: Now, you can demand a trial or in lieu of a plea, you can accept the recommendation of this court. What this court recommends is that you, the defendant, Tom Turner, AKA, Tom the Preacher, Tom the Con and Tom the Worm, you, sir, have one week to find a job. A real job. Nine to five, five days a week, for a year.
Tom Turner: Nine to five? That seems a bit excessive.
CC: What do you think?
Hillary: Oh, it’s gorgeous!
CC: Do I look like Marilyn? I don’t look a thing like Marilyn.
Hillary: My turn. How is it?
CC: Hillary, it’s exactly the same color.
Hillary: What’s wrong? No, it isn’t. No.
CC: You just spent two hours dying your hair exactly the same color.
Hillary: It’s a subtle difference.
CC: I don’t think so.
Mia: Hey, Joe?
Mia: I’m gonna turn the backseat into a dressing room so I can change into a proper outfit for Madame, okay?
Joe: Okay. And don’t forget the shoes.
Mia: Ahh, thanks.
Joe: Strange town, San Francisco. When I purchased the pumps, they asked if I wanted them wrapped or if I was going to wear them.
CHiPs originally aired on NBC from 1977 through 1983. Each episode followed a fairly regular formula featuring both a comic and a melodramatic tone. I’ve seen a handful of episodes in re-runs and I vaguely remembered when this reunion film aired on TNT, though I don’t think I watched it. If you are a fan of CHiPs, you’ll enjoy CHiPS ‘ 99, recently released by the Warner Archive. If you’re not. . .well, maybe you should skip this release. Many of the cast members of the show returned for this film and there are several winks and nods and straight-up flashbacks to the series. There are also some really great celebrity cameos that make this film decidedly 90s. Well, that and the ridiculously amazing use of 90s slang to make Ponch seem old.
Audrey Davis: Aunt Jenny? What are you doing here? How did you find me?
Jenny Portman: You have ten seconds to get your things together and get in the car.
Jenny Portman: Stay! Ten -…
Audrey Davis: You’re not my mother, if you haven’t noticed!
Jenny Portman: No! But I love you very much, and I will be your worst nightmare if you don’t get in that car now! Seven, six…
BZ: But we’re not ready to go yet.
Jenny Portman: Oh, you’re not ready? Well… Well, are you ready for this?
[Jenny who is pregnant motions to her stomach]
Jenny Portman: I don’t think so. Are you ready to be a parent? I don’t think so!
Jenny Portman: [to Audrey] Four, three…
Audrey Davis: Are you happy? You’ve just ruined my entire life!
Jenny Portman: Well, we’ll fix it later! Two…
[back to BZ]
Jenny Portman: You!
BZ: Chill out, Mommy.
Jenny Portman: Hey!
BZ: It’s all good.
Jenny Portman: Don’t you talk to me like that!
BZ: It’s just a prom.
Jenny Portman: You listen to me. If you ever so much as blink in her direction again, I can and will bury you so far in the ground that the heat from the earth’s core will incinerate your sorry ass! Do you understand me?
BZ: Yes, ma’am.
Jenny Portman: By the way, you’re not a bad person, but this is very bad behavior. Very bad behavior.