Wanda Goronski: I don’t have anything. I never did have anything. Never will have anything.
Norman Dennis: You’re stupid.
Wanda Goronski: I’m stupid?
Norman Dennis: If you don’t want anything, you won’t have anything, and if you don’t have anything, you’re nothing. You may as well be dead. You’re not even a citizen of the United States.
Wanda Goronski: I guess I’m dead, then.
Mark ‘Rat’ Ratner: What do I say to her once we get in the car?
Mike Damone: No problem, Rat. What you need is my special five-point plan.
Mark ‘Rat’ Ratner: Come on, Damone, I need real help her.
Mike Damone: What’d you mean? Hey! Men have died trying to obtain this valuable information. But I’ll give it to you for free.
Mark ‘Rat’ Ratner: Okay, okay. What’s your five-point plan?
Mike Damone: All right. Now, pay attention. First of all, Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. Oh, Debbie. . .hi. Two. You always call the shots. Kiss me, you won’t regret it. Three. Act like wherever you are, that’s the place to be. Isn’t this great? Four. When ordering food, find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It’s a classy move. The lady will have the linguine in a white clam sauce, and a coke with no ice. And five. Now, this is most important, Rat. When it comes down to makin’ out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.
Basel: How come you don’t ever talk about your sister with me?
Laurel: You know, everything is so great with us.
Basel: Come on, cool it with that. What do you think, if you show me how you feel, I’m not gonna like you?
Laurel: Yeah, maybe.
Basel: Really? This isn’t gonna last if it’s like that. If this is real, we gotta tell each other the bad stuff. And if this isn’t real, if this is just my kind of imagination then I wanna know now.
Laurel: I don’t know what I’m doing. I have never done this before. I don’t. . .I don’t even know what the real me looks like.
Basel: Well, I think I do.
Basel: Yes, I do. She’s funny and she’s weird and likes to play games and she makes me laugh. I think that’s the real you. I like her. That’s who I want. That’s what I want.