The first time I saw Valley Girl, I rented it from Netflix and I watched it three times in a 24-hour period before I returned it. I then immediately bought the DVD. I have seen it countless times (including twice on the big screen!). I just love it so much. It is endlessly watchable.
Agent Paxton: Congratulations, Dr. Goodspeed. You did it.
Dr. Stanley Goodspeed: Thank you, sir.
Agent Paxton: You know, for a while there, I didn’t think you were going to make it. Well done, son. So where’s Mason?
Dr. Stanley Goodspeed: Vaporized. Blown out to sea.
Agent Paxton: Blown out to sea, huh?
Dr. Stanley Goodspeed: Yeah.
Agent Paxton: Poor bastard.
Director Womack: Goodspeed, where’s Mason? Where’s his body? I wanna see that son of a bitch!
Agent Paxton: Vaporized, sir. Excuse me, gentlemen.
Director Womack: What? Vaporized? A body can vaporize?
Dr. Stanley Goodspeed: Oh, yeah! Absolutely, sir.
Ben Sanderson: Are you desirable? Are you irresistible? Maybe if you drank bourbon with me, it would help. Maybe if you kissed me and I could taste the sting in your mouth it would help. If you drank bourbon with me naked. If you smelled of bourbon as you fucked me, it would help. It would increase my esteem for you. If you poured bourbon onto your naked body and said to me “drink this”. If you spread your legs and you had bourbon dripping from your breasts and your pussy and said “drink here” then I could fall in love with you. Because then I would have a purpose. To clean you up and that, that would prove that I’m worth something. I’d lick you clean so that you could go away and fuck someone else.
Garland Greene: Two went down, one came up.
Cameron Poe: Wasn’t my fault.
Garland Greene: Well, you don’t have to tell me. Most murders are crimes of necessity rather than desire. But the great ones, Dahmer, Gacy, Bundy. . .they did it because it excited them.
Cameron Poe: Don’t you. . .I got nothing in common with them, with you. Don’t you talk to me! They were insane.
Garland Greene: Now you’re talking semantics. What if I told you insane was working 50 hours a week in some office for 50 years at the end of which they tell you to piss off, ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn’t you consider that to be insane?
Cameron Poe: Murdering 30 people, semantics or not, is insane!
Garland Greene: One girl. . .I drove through three states wearing her head as a hat.
Cameron Poe: It’s my daughter’s birthday today. So please feel free not to share everything with me.
Castor Troy: Y’know, I could eat a peach for hours.
Peter Loew: Alva, there is no one else in this entire office that I could possibly ask to share such a horrible job. You’re the lowest on the totem pole here, Alva. The lowest. Do you realize that? Every other secretary here has been here longer than you, Alva. Every one. And even if there was someone here who was here even one day longer than you, I still wouldn’t ask that person to partake in such a miserable job as long as you were around. That’s right, Alva. It’s a horrible, horrible job; sifting through old contract after old contract. I couldn’t think of a more horrible job if I wanted to. And you have to do it! You have to or I’ll fire you. You understand? Do you? Good.
Charlie Kaufman: To begin. . .to begin. . .how to start? I’m hungry. I should get coffee. Coffee would help me think. Maybe I should write something first, then reward myself with coffee. Coffee and a muffin. Okay, so I need to establish the themes. Maybe a banana-nut. [beat] That’s a good muffin.